Latest stories in the Rants and Riffs home page

How I Became a Slave to Football
By Kim Girard
"A Terrible Towel to me used to mean nothing. It was this scrappy yellow thing on a table I thought my friend used to wipe his brow after jogging in the evening. But that was before."

Football for Morons: Introduction to the NFL
By Sherman Wan
"Attending a daylong Super Bowl party, but haven't a clue as to the differences between a touchdown, first down, touch back or quarterback? Don't fear. Here's a quick, step-by-step guide to understanding professional football."

Hermann Hates TEMPING
By Andrew Hermann
"I read somewhere recently that 30 percent of the American work force is now made up of temps and contractors. That sounds impossible but shortly after reading that figure I myself landed a temp job that gave me a chance to gather a little firsthand evidence." My Former So-Called Life
A teenage girl who attempted suicide finds happiness a decade later
By Amy Pang
"I didn't go to my 10th-year high school reunion simply because I wasn't in town. Then again, I wasn't dying to go either. It would've been strictly a mood-driven activity for me; I'd go if I felt like it, and blow it off if I didn't. After watching 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion' and 'Grosse Point Blank,' I felt that it was even unnecessary to attend, since between the two of those movies, the reunion experience was well-covered."

AIDS Ride Diary
Part II: Exercycle Hell
By Andrew Hermann
"Before I signed up to participate in the Boston->New York AIDS Ride 3 (Presented by Tanqueray), I had already made another commitment -- to spend three weeks house-sitting for my parents in their small suburban split-level in Pennsylvania. This meant, unfortunately, that for most of the month of May I would be 400 miles away from my bike. And as my "Rider Rep" was quick to remind me, I was already behind schedule if I was to train properly for the Ride."

AIDS Ride Diary: from Boston to New York City
By Andrew Hermann

"Last month I engaged in the silliest act for which I have ever received praise -- and I say that as someone who also does guerrilla theatre and juggles koosh balls. I rode my bike 250 miles, from Boston to New York, as part of one of the great AIDS Rides."

Book 'em, Heidi!
By Heidi Holtan
"So I'm one of those crazy Gen-X people you hear so much about -- jumping from job to job, relationship to relationship, drinking martini's at clubs, speaking the cool lingo and not caring about much of anything except the latest independent films and the best place to get a cup of coffee (you know, a place that doesn't know it's trendy yet)."

Thinking Different
Why I stayed loyal to Apple
By Wylie Wong
"I was all set to buy one of those sleek, new Sony desktops this summer until my snooty Mac-owning friends battered me with an unrelenting, month-long guilt trip. 'Hey, when the computer breaks down or you can't figure out how to install something, don't come crying to me,' one devout Mac lover pouted. 'Don't give in to the pressure!' implored another."

PCs Are OK, But I Miss My Mac
By Amy Pang
"I am a big Macintosh fan. Huge. My first Mac was the classic desktop with the tiny monochrome monitor built right in. It lacked a hard drive and ran on floppies. It was beautiful and simple and didn't do all that much, now that I think about it. My next Mac was a PowerBook 145. It had a whopping 4 MB of RAM and an 80 MB hard drive. I loved that machine. I wrote many college papers on it. I wrote short stories, the beginning of scripts, even poems on that thing. It looked great in a coffeehouse. It made me look ultra-hip. I felt ultra-hip."

So Far, So Bad
Bring on the Millenium - the '90s sucks
By Leo F. Kay
"It seems as if every 20 years our society feels a need to go retro, to bring back some of the styles and fads of years past as if they were suddenly cool again. In the '70s we felt the need to pull the '50s back into the mainstream through such vehicles as 'Grease' and 501s. The '80s saw a resurgence of the '60s, and now the '90s have resurrected the '70s. People, there's a reason why big bell bottoms went out in the '70s. Let it go."

It Was a Narc and Stormy Night....
By Kim Girard
"Today my sister is a hipster, aspiring to live the New York underground pop star life. An indie-pop drummer, Kristen is making the club scene, strolling the Village with pigtailed, polyester-sporting chums, slipping her name onto band guest lists and crashing after-hour parties."

The Asian Dating Dilemma
It Boils Down to Self-esteem and Perception
By Harry Mok
"It was a simple conversation with an Asian male friend which I didn't give a second thought to at the time."

True Romance
My Boyfriend's White, I'm Asian -- Deal With It
By Amy Pang
"When I first met my current boyfriend, I didn't know what he looked like for four months, and because we were on a first-name basis only, I had no idea what ethnicity he was. I had found a posting on a bulletin board from someone looking for a pen pal, and the ad was so interesting that I wrote to him. We hit it off immediately."

Homeward Bond
By Daisy Nguyen
"For as long as I can recall, perhaps since the day I moved to college, I have had trouble defining the word 'home.' It is one of those vague terms that lead people to create metaphors or clichés of their own to define. You've heard it all before: 'Home is where the heart is,' or 'A house is not a home without love.'"

Yosemite: Nature Caught in Gridlock
By Matt Johanson
"Maybe it wasn't a life-and-death adventure, but it was a big trip for us: a December trek on skis to Yosemite National Park's Glacier Point. Accessible by car and mobbed with tourists in summer, Glacier Point is serene and magnificent in winter, blanketed in snow and separated from the nearest snowplowed road by 10 hilly miles."

Dear Jewish Mom From New York: Can I Attend the Marilyn Manson Concert?
By Judith H. Bernstein
"So, nu? Why should you listen to me? Let me put it this way: I come highly recommended. Ann Landers once clucked "You ARE a good mother!" - as I tried to tell her why she was wrong for bashing the Internet without ever visiting it (You can even check it out here). If I'm good enough for Ann Landers, I oughta be good enough for you. Besides, I make a mean bowl of chicken soup."

Remembering Mom
Exploring my guilt over the sacrifices my mother made
By Pueng Vongs
"I was having coffee with two of my closest friends the other day when we happened on the topic of mothers. 'My father never even bothered to wait for my mother at the dinner table, he would just start eating without her. And my mother would just quietly take her place at the table without ever raising a single objection,' said Ann, who never sees her parents anymore. They kicked her out of the house 10 years ago after she brought the wrong boy home to dinner."

California Should Not Kick Bilingual Education Out of Schools
By Harry Mok
"My brothers and sister could be poster kids for Proposition 227, the California ballot initiative that would end bilingual education in the state."

You Can't Hide From the Homeless
By Kim Girard
"Those faces from my days here in San Francisco haunt me. The dead-eyed, hunched, androgynous person who sits in a wheelchair on the corner of Divisidero and Haight at rush hour. The African American man who holds a skinny pole and teeters along an embankment doing a bizarre fishing pantomime on Van Ness. The chubby, slightly menacing bearded grump who slumps on the sidewalk in front of Cala supermarket on Geary, staring down at the sidewalk drawing circles."

Sixteen Candles
Reminiscing About a Teenage Party Gone Awry
By Beaver II
"Several years ago I opened our local paper and spotted a story about a woman I knew of who was seriously injured during a house fire. The paper said she had been in her bed sleeping when the blaze started. I think a cigarette had caught fire in her bedroom. Local firemen were proclaimed heroes after they dragged her from a window to safety. She was brought to the hospital in serious condition. Her house was nearly destroyed."

That's Barbra, B-A-R-B-R-A
Sometimes a name can be just plain confusing
By Barb Natividad
"The name on my birth certificate is: Barbra Ann Lingat Natividad. Most Filipinos will recognize that Lingat is my mom's maiden name, and that Natividad, is my dad's last name. So, what's in a name? More than you might think. Some of my non-Filipino friends recently discovered my very un-American nickname: Chic-Chic. I have no idea how they found out, but I do remember the explanation I gave of my appellations, which I'm sure many Filipinos can relate to."

Hermann Hates Hangovers
Several drinks and one column later...
By Andrew Hermann
"I really shouldn't be writing this now. I have a headache that could make G. Gordon Liddy flinch. My left eyebrow feels like it was spot-welded to my forehead. Whatever bacteria is still clinging to life inside the scorched-earth ruin of my mouth is transforming itself moment-by-moment into new and increasingly malodorous taste sensations. And my stomach is seriously considering making a break for it."

A Little Mao In Mei
By Kim Girard
"I awoke last night frightened that my toothless landlady, Mei, was lurking hunched and troll-like in my closet waiting to spring on me if I dare leave the bed. Perhaps this was because I spent that evening - a Sunday I could have spent watching Masterpiece Theater - scrubbing yellowish mold blobs from my bathroom ceiling to please her. I quickly became dizzy, stretching on top of a wobbly chair I had planted in the tub, scrubbing voraciously for about an hour. I prayed yellow ooze would not drop into my panting mouth."

Asian Identity: To Be Or Not To Be
By Harry Mok
"The Newsweek headline catches my eye: "Asian Identity Crisis, A young Asian American author defends his assimilation -- and draws fire from activists." Eric Liu's new book is something I will have to read, although I am not sure how much of it I will like."

Dear Jewish Mom From New York: Making Mountains Out Of Moles And Mehndi
By Judith H. Bernstein
"Oy! Such weather we're having lately! New York's springtime was pretty much washed away in constant rain, and now it's so hot, you can't even think of eating the brisket I slaved over all day in the kitchen. Meanwhile, tropical islands are being swept away by tidal waves, cruise ships are ablaze and half of Florida burnt to a crisp. It's total gehennim!"

Gray Collar Blues
Letters from the trenches of the American workforce
By Johnny Twojobs
"The author of the following letter is an average part-time employee of a major corporation, and occasional freelancer for several others, who goes by the name of Johnny Twojobs. That's not his real name, of course, but Johnny's employers might not take kindly to the contents of the following letter. Your employers might not like it, either, but if you do, add your name (or an assumed one), clip the letter out and send it to Congressman Joe. He'll be delighted to hear from you."

The day I almost killed the neighborhood dork
By Wylie Wong

"The pitcher rocked back and fired a blazing fastball. High and inside. I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and swung as hard as I could."

Scraps of Space: Thoughts that rattle in your brain
By Pete Hammer

"I dreamed in Portuguese last night. It was just like real life. I spoke in short, broken sentences, I understood only fragments of what other people said, and I constantly had to correct words that came out first in Spanish, which I also speak poorly."

"V" is for Vacuum-skulls
How I learned to stop worrying and love the 'chip
By Matt Johanson

"They could've made a R-chip to cut out Reruns and Rush Limbaugh, or the OJ-chip, to spare us from, well, you know."

How I became a substitute teacher and maintained my sanity
By Matt Johanson

"'Can I go to the bathroom, Mr. Substitute?'

I looked at the high school sophomore who'd just spent 30 minutes giggling with her neighbor, applying make-up and ignoring the Spanish worksheet on her desk."

Couple wants to exchange their vows, not score a new vacuum cleaner  
By Willy Morris

"Who turned weddings into orgies of materialism, where productive, hardworking adults expect to be showered with enough shiny new household items to make Martha Stewart feel at home?"

The joys of raising cactus  
By Wylie Wong

"'Maybe I should buy some plants for my apartment,' I wondered aloud as my friend Willy and I walked through Home Depot."

Coming of Age on the Vegas Buffet Line  
By Pueng Vongs

"Not too long ago I allowed myself a trip to Vegas. I've been known to get a little crazy at the blackjack table, so I've learned to keep my distance. It's actually been a few years since I've been to sin city, and this is my first time back after turning legal. I've been to Vegas more than half a dozen times, primarily before the age of 11. My father is one of those stereotypical gambling-crazed Asians and, before he discovered the stock market, brought our family to vacation in Vegas as often as he could."

Let Me Whisper Secrets in Your Ear  
By Gary Barker

"As any scraggly backwoods yokel or random militiaman or senator will be happy to tell you, the Internet is chock-full of all sorts of hush-hush stuff and probably ought to be shut down or blown up (the sooner the better).

Struggle for acceptance: Overcoming my stuttering  
By Dan Wong

"Today is the day of the oral report. Everyone in class has already made their presentation, so I no longer have an excuse for not sharing my material. I slowly raise my hand after the teacher asks if anyone else needs to do the oral. As I scoot the chair back to stand up, my ears begin to turn red hot. My uneasiness only gets worse when I sluggishly walk down the aisle towards the awaiting podium and start sweating on my hands and forehead. As I look up from the podium, I am startled by the forty pairs of unwavering eyes glaring at me, awaiting to be engrossed by my brilliance."

Bay Area Transplant Ready to Escape The Boston Freak Party
By Leo Kay

"Ah, New England. Fall colors, Red Sox baseball and Maine lobsters. How quaint, you might say. But there's another side of New England not mentioned in the travel brochures and tourist information. A New England teeming with crappy weather, and pasty, overweight people who talk funny and drive even worse."

San Francisco Giants' season a surprise to 'Free Agent Fan'
By Matt Johanson

"Not only did the Giants' first-place finish in 1997 shell-shock the hated Los Angeles Dodgers and induce a rare outbreak of baseball fever in Northern California, it also delivered a healthy dose of poetic justice to the "Free Agent Fan" who abandoned the team last winter.

Funky Love
By Pueng Vongs

"The hiphop dance class I enrolled in to work off new Christmas poundage was not supposed to turn out this way. Perhaps it was just the exhilaration of moving around after long hours at my highly regimented, demanding job or the gentle guidance from her as she taught me how to do a proper pelvic roll. If I knew going in I would never listen to a Mariah Carey song the same way again, I would not have signed up for the damn class in the first place."

Not Your Ordinary Sleepover
A Night at Castle Dracula
By Matt Johanson

"Howling wolves, screeching bats and the anxiety of being Dracula's houseguest should have kept him awake, but Vincent Hillyer was sleepy. He'd climbed 1,531 stairs to reach Castle Dracula, then drank a bottle of wine to celebrate the occasion. It hadn't been easy, but Hillyer had convinced the Romanian government to permit him an overnight stay in the ancient fortress, the first in centuries.

Hermann Hates CAFFEINE
By Andrew Hermann

"I used to be a morning person. I used to be one of those insufferable people who could bound out of bed at the alarm clock's first beeping, cook myself an omelette as I checked the box scores, shower, throw clothes on with blinding speed, and be out the door with a spring in my step and a song in my heart."

Hermann Hates DEPRESSION
By Andrew Hermann

"I've been feeling pretty depressed lately. The reasons aren't important. It's not the change in the weather or my dire financial situation or any of the usual brushoff explanations. It's much more complicated than that. Besides, I don't really want to talk about the reasons; they're too depressing."

How I Became a Slave to Football
By Kim Girard
"A Terrible Towel to me used to mean nothing. It was this scrappy yellow thing on a table I thought my friend used to wipe his brow after jogging in the evening. But that was before."

Football for Morons: Introduction to the NFL
By Sherman Wan
"Attending a daylong Super Bowl party, but haven't a clue as to the differences between a touchdown, first down, touch back or quarterback? Don't fear. Here's a quick, step-by-step guide to understanding professional football."

Hermann Hates TEMPING
By Andrew Hermann
"I read somewhere recently that 30 percent of the American work force is now made up of temps and contractors. That sounds impossible but shortly after reading that figure I myself landed a temp job that gave me a chance to gather a little firsthand evidence."

ÜberAsian: Imposter Asians and the Chopstick Dilemma
By ÜberAsian
"Dear UberAsian: My roommates are supposed to be Asian but neither of them have pagers, cell phones or Hondas. I thought they were Filipino like me. I personally have two pagers, two cell phones and a Honda. Should I be worried?"

Tips on Buying and Maintaining a Car
The column for the unhip Asian geek
By ÜberAsian

"Dear ÜberAsian: As an Asian car buyer what are my options? I was thinking about buying a Chevy Camaro or Plymouth. Will my Asian friends laugh at me?"

Are Asians Computerphiles? And Why Didn't Chow Yun-Fat Get the Girl in His New Movie?
By ÜberAsian
"Dear ÜberAsian: I work at a Fortune 500 company on the East Coast and recently started noticing something that's been really bugging me. Everybody in our department always asks me for help with their computer even though I work in marketing and my job has nothing to do with computer support. People ask me how come their printers don't work, how to install a new screen saver, how to change screen colors or other questions that have nothing to do with my job. What gives? I always ask them how come they don't call the help desk and they always reply that they're stupid dumb asses."

ÜberAsian: Imposter Asians and the Chopstick Dilemma
By ÜberAsian
"Dear UberAsian: My roommates are supposed to be Asian but neither of them have pagers, cell phones or Hondas. I thought they were Filipino like me. I personally have two pagers, two cell phones and a Honda. Should I be worried?"

Dear ÜberAsian: Grease Is The Word; Here's The Solution
By ÜberAsian
"Dear Überasian: I have a problem with grease build up on my kitchen air exhaust. I've tried to clean it off with 409, Windex and even steel wool but I just can't get rid of the grease. What is this stuff made of anyway? Where did it come from?"

Dear ÜberAsian: How do new-school Asians attain super status?
By ÜberAsian
"Dear ÜberAsian: I just started reading your column recently, and I find it very interesting, however, all these tips are for middle-aged Asians. What about young college-age Asians like me? I will be a freshman at Georgetown in a couple of days (sorry, couldn't get into Columbia where there is a 24 percent Asian minority) are there any tips on how to achieve super Asian status on campus? Especially for the East Coast Asians because we're different over here. Just compare the two Chinatowns. I think myself and other young Asians would appreciate your tips."

MSG TV: Turner's Secret Plan for Hip Asian Network
By Jason Lloren and Gordon Mah Ung
"In mid-1997, media mogul Ted Turner's cable network began examining the possiblity of forming a broadcast network to stave off stiff advertising competition from Fox, UPN and the WB Network."

Dear Jewish Mom From New York: Can I Attend the Marilyn Manson Concert?
By Judith H. Bernstein
"So, nu? Why should you listen to me? Let me put it this way: I come highly recommended. Ann Landers once clucked "You ARE a good mother!" - as I tried to tell her why she was wrong for bashing the Internet without ever visiting it (You can even check it out here). If I'm good enough for Ann Landers, I oughta be good enough for you. Besides, I make a mean bowl of chicken soup."

My Former So-Called Life
A teenage girl who attempted suicide finds happiness a decade later
By Amy Pang
"I didn't go to my 10th-year high school reunion simply because I wasn't in town. Then again, I wasn't dying to go either. It would've been strictly a mood-driven activity for me; I'd go if I felt like it, and blow it off if I didn't. After watching 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion' and 'Grosse Point Blank,' I felt that it was even unnecessary to attend, since between the two of those movies, the reunion experience was well-covered."

AIDS Ride Diary
Part II: Exercycle Hell
By Andrew Hermann
"Before I signed up to participate in the Boston->New York AIDS Ride 3 (Presented by Tanqueray), I had already made another commitment -- to spend three weeks house-sitting for my parents in their small suburban split-level in Pennsylvania. This meant, unfortunately, that for most of the month of May I would be 400 miles away from my bike. And as my "Rider Rep" was quick to remind me, I was already behind schedule if I was to train properly for the Ride."

AIDS Ride Diary: from Boston to New York City
By Andrew Hermann

"Last month I engaged in the silliest act for which I have ever received praise -- and I say that as someone who also does guerrilla theatre and juggles koosh balls. I rode my bike 250 miles, from Boston to New York, as part of one of the great AIDS Rides."

Book 'em, Heidi!
By Heidi Holtan
"So I'm one of those crazy Gen-X people you hear so much about -- jumping from job to job, relationship to relationship, drinking martini's at clubs, speaking the cool lingo and not caring about much of anything except the latest independent films and the best place to get a cup of coffee (you know, a place that doesn't know it's trendy yet)."

Thinking Different
Why I stayed loyal to Apple
By Wylie Wong
"I was all set to buy one of those sleek, new Sony desktops this summer until my snooty Mac-owning friends battered me with an unrelenting, month-long guilt trip. 'Hey, when the computer breaks down or you can't figure out how to install something, don't come crying to me,' one devout Mac lover pouted. 'Don't give in to the pressure!' implored another."

PCs Are OK, But I Miss My Mac
By Amy Pang
"I am a big Macintosh fan. Huge. My first Mac was the classic desktop with the tiny monochrome monitor built right in. It lacked a hard drive and ran on floppies. It was beautiful and simple and didn't do all that much, now that I think about it. My next Mac was a PowerBook 145. It had a whopping 4 MB of RAM and an 80 MB hard drive. I loved that machine. I wrote many college papers on it. I wrote short stories, the beginning of scripts, even poems on that thing. It looked great in a coffeehouse. It made me look ultra-hip. I felt ultra-hip."

So Far, So Bad
Bring on the Millenium - the '90s sucks
By Leo F. Kay
"It seems as if every 20 years our society feels a need to go retro, to bring back some of the styles and fads of years past as if they were suddenly cool again. In the '70s we felt the need to pull the '50s back into the mainstream through such vehicles as 'Grease' and 501s. The '80s saw a resurgence of the '60s, and now the '90s have resurrected the '70s. People, there's a reason why big bell bottoms went out in the '70s. Let it go."

It Was a Narc and Stormy Night....
By Kim Girard
"Today my sister is a hipster, aspiring to live the New York underground pop star life. An indie-pop drummer, Kristen is making the club scene, strolling the Village with pigtailed, polyester-sporting chums, slipping her name onto band guest lists and crashing after-hour parties."

The Asian Dating Dilemma
It Boils Down to Self-esteem and Perception
By Harry Mok
"It was a simple conversation with an Asian male friend which I didn't give a second thought to at the time."

True Romance
My Boyfriend's White, I'm Asian -- Deal With It
By Amy Pang
"When I first met my current boyfriend, I didn't know what he looked like for four months, and because we were on a first-name basis only, I had no idea what ethnicity he was. I had found a posting on a bulletin board from someone looking for a pen pal, and the ad was so interesting that I wrote to him. We hit it off immediately."

Homeward Bond
By Daisy Nguyen
"For as long as I can recall, perhaps since the day I moved to college, I have had trouble defining the word 'home.' It is one of those vague terms that lead people to create metaphors or clichés of their own to define. You've heard it all before: 'Home is where the heart is,' or 'A house is not a home without love.'"

Yosemite: Nature Caught in Gridlock
By Matt Johanson
"Maybe it wasn't a life-and-death adventure, but it was a big trip for us: a December trek on skis to Yosemite National Park's Glacier Point. Accessible by car and mobbed with tourists in summer, Glacier Point is serene and magnificent in winter, blanketed in snow and separated from the nearest snowplowed road by 10 hilly miles."

Remembering Mom
Exploring my guilt over the sacrifices my mother made
By Pueng Vongs
"I was having coffee with two of my closest friends the other day when we happened on the topic of mothers. 'My father never even bothered to wait for my mother at the dinner table, he would just start eating without her. And my mother would just quietly take her place at the table without ever raising a single objection,' said Ann, who never sees her parents anymore. They kicked her out of the house 10 years ago after she brought the wrong boy home to dinner."

California Should Not Kick Bilingual Education Out of Schools
By Harry Mok
"My brothers and sister could be poster kids for Proposition 227, the California ballot initiative that would end bilingual education in the state."

You Can't Hide From the Homeless
By Kim Girard
"Those faces from my days here in San Francisco haunt me. The dead-eyed, hunched, androgynous person who sits in a wheelchair on the corner of Divisidero and Haight at rush hour. The African American man who holds a skinny pole and teeters along an embankment doing a bizarre fishing pantomime on Van Ness. The chubby, slightly menacing bearded grump who slumps on the sidewalk in front of Cala supermarket on Geary, staring down at the sidewalk drawing circles."

Sixteen Candles
Reminiscing About a Teenage Party Gone Awry
By Beaver II
"Several years ago I opened our local paper and spotted a story about a woman I knew of who was seriously injured during a house fire. The paper said she had been in her bed sleeping when the blaze started. I think a cigarette had caught fire in her bedroom. Local firemen were proclaimed heroes after they dragged her from a window to safety. She was brought to the hospital in serious condition. Her house was nearly destroyed."

That's Barbra, B-A-R-B-R-A
Sometimes a name can be just plain confusing
By Barb Natividad
"The name on my birth certificate is: Barbra Ann Lingat Natividad. Most Filipinos will recognize that Lingat is my mom's maiden name, and that Natividad, is my dad's last name. So, what's in a name? More than you might think. Some of my non-Filipino friends recently discovered my very un-American nickname: Chic-Chic. I have no idea how they found out, but I do remember the explanation I gave of my appellations, which I'm sure many Filipinos can relate to."

E-mail Thread of the Month: What's a Real Snowglobe?
By Gordon Ung, Wylie Wong and Willy Morris

"Snowglobe collectors Gordon Ung and Wylie Wong are currently duking it out over who has the most snowglobes. Wylie recently received two globes as gifts, one a snowglobe wristwatch and the other a McDonald's 101 Dalmatians globe. He wanted them counted as part of his collection. Gordon resisted. Their amused friends and colleagues watched on as the pair argued. Here now is an e-mail thread of the argument that ensued."

Top Ten Reasons to See a Film at the Great Star Theater in San Francisco

The Lowell High School Teachers FAQ

"You know, with even high schools on the net now, wouldn't it be cool if students compiled a secret mailing list/FAQ to recommend which teachers to take?"

The Theory of William Tell

"Here's a philosophical dilemma. Or perhaps a metaphysical one."

Snapshot: College or Weed?  
By Matt Johanson

Single Asian Male Seeks Single Woman
By S.A.M. I Am

"It started off as a joke. At the urging of my friends, I filled out a personal ad since 1) I was single, and more significant, 2) I was seemingly sentenced to a lifetime of social deprivation. Or so it felt. What the hell, I thought, nothing ventured nothing gained -- or is that pained?

Hermann Hates: Rude People
A Column Determined to have its Way
By Andrew Hermann

"So it's Friday and I got the afternoon off to make up for the 14 hour day I put in earlier this week, but I can't go home because I work for a temp agency that only provides any assistance to its temps during these narrow, inflexible windows of time, one of which is 5:15 to 5:30 pick-up-your-paycheck period."

All I want is one squirt
By Shawna McCoy

"Gourmet coffee drinkers, I apologize. I like the flavored coffee. Unfortunately for me, most serious coffee houses don't serve it, so I'm forced to go for the syrup. You know there's all types of flavors – hazelnut, almond, chocolate. But I like it subtle, not overbearing. Too much syrup, too many squirts, and my coffee is doomed. Might as well just pour it all out."

I love Japan, however...
By Tom Diederich

"I've lived in Tokyo for six years now. I love Japan: my wife is Japanese; I'm studying the language; I work for a Japanese company. But it's time to vent. This is an age-old practice I started way back in 1993 during the year I spent reporting for a daily newspaper in Lake County, CA. But that is another story."

I'm broke and I can't fix it
By Amy Pang

"The problem facing many people today is the downward spiral of debt brought on by negative cash flow. See if this doesn't sound familiar: you start racking up debt in college because of loans and outrageously priced textbooks. Once you're out of school, you're making a fair wage but are confronted with the unpleasant price of modern life."

Move over, Godzilla
Japan's latest craze has the U.S. scrambling for cyber-eggs
By Tom Diederich

"It started innocently enough. Last May, when my brother-in-law heard that my wife and I were going to visit my parents in Ohio, he asked us to pick up a couple of those Tamagotchi virtual reality pets. They've been sold out here in Japan since last year, and he explained that his girlfriend would be heartily impressed with one as a gift. The other one, he admitted, was for himself."

Tamagotchi
Toys of Innocence or Instruments of the New World Order?
By Amy Pang

"The Tamagotchi descended into North America on May 1st, using FAO Schwartz -- the toy store of THE MAN -- as their launch pad. After winning over the rich and powerful, their next step was to flood the stores of the masses -- Toys 'R' Us, Kay-Bee Toys and Wal-Mart. They've been in short supply since their invasion. Scores of children have been sucked into the vortex of responsibility, children who otherwise would never clean their rooms, do their chores and go to school on a regular basis. Yet these electronic animals have a strange hold over our young, and quite a few adults, for that matter. What mesmerizing quality do they have?"

Top Ten Tamagotchi ideas that failed  
By Gordon Mah Ung and Wylie Wong

The Big Egg Roll: Stereotypes still dog Asian Americans
By Harry Mok

"Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston was partially right when he said illegal campaign donations were 'only the tip of the egg roll' during Congressional hearings into questionable fundraising by a number of Asian Americans. Kingston's comment and Sen. Sam Brownback's 'no raise money, no get bonus' remark are attempts at humor that are indicative of the lack of sensitivity many have toward Asian Americans. We're still viewed as foreigners in this country and bad Hollywood stereotypes are pervasive, as the Congressional hearings so blatantly showed. That's the whole egg roll."

Dear ÜberAsian: I live with my parents, have a "bowl" haircut and haven't had a date in 10 years...
New advice column for the terminally unhip geek
By ÜberAsian

"It all became so clear to Mr. X one day in Chinatown. His pager didn't do alpha, his phone was still cellular, and he pined for the days when DV8 was still open. Sitting in his lowered Celica listening to New Order on the Blaupunkt, Mr. X suddenly realized he was no different than a mosquito trapped in amber 30 million years ago or that old man in the sickly beige Member's Only jacket. Young Asian bucks in Acuras who used to give him hard stares -- good for an Asian male -- now just smiled or laughed. He could see them mouth the words: 'Look at that chump, he must still think it's 1988.'"

Dear ÜberAsian: How do I achieve ultimate Asian Status?
Advice column for the terminally unhip geek
By ÜberAsian

"Dear ÜberAsian: What phone grants me ultimate Asian status? That new tiny Ericsson or the StarTac from Motorola? I've noticed the StarTac is very affordable now and have seen it as low as $200. I still have an old Motorola 550 flip phone, can I get by with that?"

Tips on Buying and Maintaining a Car
The column for the unhip Asian geek
By ÜberAsian

"Dear ÜberAsian: As an Asian car buyer what are my options? I was thinking about buying a Chevy Camaro or Plymouth. Will my Asian friends laugh at me?"

The Million Asian Men March was a Success
By Gordon Ung

"One Million Asian Men marched into the nation's capital Tuesday morning."

Latest stories in the Media home page

Keanu Reeves must die... or at least keep showing up in decent films
By Jason Lloren

"I recently watched Keanu Reeves amble and emote his way through his latest flick "Devil's Advocate" and wondered to myself: How does he continue to find work in Hollywood? His looks perhaps? Sure he's good looking but come on. He got a crooked block head and what the hell is he anyway? Hawaiian, white, pale Filipino? I can never figure it out."

It's no fun being an "Alien"
FILM REVIEW By Jason Lloren

"The bitch is back! Sigourney Weaver returns as Ellen Ripley to square off against the mother of all movie monsters in modern film -- the creepy, crawling, slimy, toothy Alien."

Starship Troopers
FILM REVIEW By Jason Lloren

"'Starship Troopers' is an exciting warp-speed rollercoaster ride of fancy F/X and slimy alien bugs that never lets up. It explodes onscreen with action and has a slight satiric bite that makes the film even more fun. It's also the stupidest movie I've seen in a long time."

Boogie Nights
FILM REVIEW By Andrew Hermann

"Unless you live in a biodome, you've probably already heard at least one of two things about the film "Boogie Nights": 1) Gushing raves from critics in all corners. 2) Much rumor and innuendo about Mark Wahlberg's penis. Let's the set the record straight on both counts.

Music Reviews
Reviews of k.d. lang, Prodigy, Oasis and more  
By Amy Pang

Film Review: The "Force" is strong in this one  
By Jason W. Lloren

"When I first saw the trailers for 'Air Force One,' I laughed. No one, I thought, could breach security on the presidential jetliner. And the president, Clinton or fictional, could not single-handedly take on a group of terrorist hijackers. No. Freakin'. Way."

Film Review: "187" gripping 'til it goes 360  
By Jason W. Lloren

"Many props to the cinematographer who lensed the visually arresting '187,' a new urban drama about a teacher who is threatened by his L.A. gangsta students. For the most part, '187' – California penal code for murder and gang lingo usually used as a threat of violence – is a gripping, menacing film. The look of the film is bathed in brown and oranges, like a desert or jungle the violence-laden environment the school is meant to represent."

Movie Review: Face/Off is a Must/See  
By Jason W. Lloren

"Face/Off," starring John Travolta and Nicolas Cage, takes the tried and true action theme of duality and plays it to full hilt. The bad guy becomes the good guy. The hero dons the villain's mask -- literally.

Movie Review: Baby Got "Black"  
By Jason W. Lloren

"A lot of the marketing for 'Men In Black' leads one to think the movie is 'The X-Files' meets 'Ghostbusters' - a sci-fun film with hipster cool written all over it. Sure, it shares superficial similarities in plot and tone with the above, but director Barry Sonnenfeld's new film is more akin to the old 'Dragnet' series, with Agents K (Tommy Lee Jones) and J (Will Smith) playing dicks who are chasing an alien assassin and forced to save the world. Kicking alien butt has never seemed more fun."

The Return of the Big Movie: A look at the films of 1997
By Jason Lloren
"Having seen more than 100 films in 1997, I easily saw the most films I've ever seen in a year. I probably ate enough popcorn to meet my fiber intake requirements for the next 10 years. Just think: Healthy movie going equals healthy colon."

A Second Opinion: Blast Contributors Name Their Fave Films of 1997
By Blast Staff

Blast Movie Guide
By Jason Lloren

15 That Got Away: The Most Overlooked Albums of 1997
By Warren Pederson
"The year 1997 was hardly a memorable year for pop music. Big-name acts such as Aerosmith, the Rolling Stones and U2 released albums heavy on hype but short on hooks. Electronica was touted as the next big thing, but its artists were notable more for their appearance and attitude than their musical contributions. Laura Nyro died, and the Spice Girls were born."

Living INXS, Dying Young
By Barb Natividad
"I was listening to the radio Friday night, when I noticed that they played two INXS songs, back to back. Strange. I thought big-name bands doing other big-name bands' big hits was the theme of the day. Then I heard the news. Michael Hutchence. Dead. Ritz-Carlton. Australia. Thirty-seven years old. INXS. Preparing for their 20th anniversary tour."

Splurge on that Game System!
A Primer on Playstation, Nintendo 64 and -- gasp -- Sega Saturn
By Jo Acedillo
"Remember those arcade and video games people played in the heyday of Chuck E. Cheeses before they became big-time corporate kiddy-fun? Does the name Atari ring a bell? Or Intellivision? Or Colecovision? Maybe you managed to stick around for the glory years of Nintendo. But in the wake of dating, high school graduation, college partying, and the 9-to-5 rat race, you figured it was time to put away such childish things. All because you became an adult."

Peace on Earth, "Good Will" toward film buffs
FILM REVIEW By Jason Lloren
"If a movie can be summed up as an independent film that is a touching, feel-good, coming-of-age character journey, I'd best stay away. Just the same, that's just what the funny and affecting 'Good Will Hunting' is -- and much to my surprise it's easily the best film of 1997."

Tarantino Knows "Jack"
FILM REVIEW By Jason Lloren
"A warning to fans of Quentin Tarantino and Elmore Leonard: 'Jackie Brown' is not quite as strong as 'Pulp Fiction' or 'Reservoir Dogs' and not quite as funny as 'Get Shorty.' That out the way, 'Jackie' is well-crafted crime caper/character study that brings Tarantino's filmmaking to a new level."

James Cameron's Stinking Pile of Ship
FILM REVIEW By Jason Lloren
"James Cameron's films loom large and in charge. From both 'Terminator' films to the action-packed spy flick 'True Lies' to the 'I'm-Better-Than-'Starship Troopers'' outer-space sequel 'Aliens,' Cameron's cinema runs high on adrenaline, spectacle and innovative special effects."

"Riven'" Fun But Lacks "Myst"-ique
GAME REVIEW By Amy Pang
"I bought 'Myst' well after the initial furor died down, so I missed out on the cult surrounding the game. Which was probably just as well. I thought of 'Myst' the way people think about first dates -- 'Nice but, gee, I don't know. There was something missing.' There was no 'spark.' I liked the game well enough, but I wasn't obsessively staying up until 4 a.m. to figure out the puzzle."

"Final Fantasy VII" Marches Forward, Steps Back
GAME REVIEW By Amy Pang
"I was a big enough geek to pre-order "Final Fantasy VII," myself being a fan of the series ever since its first Nintendo cartridge game. And when I got it on a Saturday afternoon, I was immediately taken with the epic scope of the game. An absorbing and moving storyline, graphics that I've never seen on a cartridge game, really cool spells - all the elements that I expected were there."

Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing
Be Real: Tribute CDs Are Usually Lame
By Warren Pederson
"It's hard to pinpoint the time when tribute albums went from being an endearing salute to an artist to an obnoxious rehash by lesser talents. Was it with the 'Tapestry Revisited' tribute to Carole King? The 'You Got Lucky' tribute to Tom Petty? The "Stars and Stripes" country tribute to the Beach Boys?"

Pre-summer Film Blitz
A Look Ahead at the Crap Hollywood Will Shovel to Rabid Moviegoers (Who'll No Doubt Eat it Up!)
By Jason Lloren
"Let's face it, some of us serious diehard film buffs can't be helped. Like drug-starved addicts, we rush to films on opening day, and brave wind, rain and long lines at the box office to waste our valuable time on mind-numbing, brain-dead movies like 'Friday the 13th, Part 10.' Or worse, 'Titanic.'"

Woo-placement Director Hurts "Killers"
Film Review by Jason Lloren
"You've got a gun-toting Hong Kong god-of-actors Chow Yun-Fat, John Woo executive-producing, a big-ass budget and the hella fine Oscar-winning babe Mira Sorvino. So you tell me: How the hell do you screw up this recipe for slam-bang cinema? Blame director Antoine Fuqua. OK, OK, it's not that bad. "The Replacement Killers" is quite fun. Lots of bullets, lots of Berettas. Lots of shots of Chow being Chow, dressed to a T, well-armed, stone-faced. Cool. Cooler than cool. Kick-Clint-Eastwood's-ass cool."

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
A Critical Roundup of Other Films
By Jason Lloren
"Jack Nicholson plays an obsessive-compulsive grumpy old writer who's actually sorta likable. He woos Helen Hunt, a pretty single mom who pays off her sick son's piling medical bills by working as a waitress. Nicholson's neighbor, played by Greg Kinnear, is a homosexual painter who gay-bashed and robbed. They all bond."

Entertaining Movie, Empty Documentary
Film Review by Jason Lloren
"'Kurt and Courtney' begins as a straight-faced attempt to portray one of the most intriguing rock couples of all time, the grungy Cobains. He, of course, was the voice of Nirvana who killed himself in 1994; she, the scarred baby-doll face of Hole."

X-RATED X-FILES
A Journey into the Perverted World of Online Fan Fiction
By Rebekah Krause
"It is a realm visited mostly by net geeks, horny teenagers, and computer users who are TV fanatics to the Nth degree. It is the eerie world of fan fiction, where FBI agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder are bisexual swingers who dabble in leather; where Xena and her perky sidekick Gabrielle frolic nude in fields of wild flowers and always have massage oil handy; where Dr. Beverly Crusher can be found punishing Counselor Deanna Troi for practicing medicine without a license, her phaser set on 'sting'; where agent Scully can be found doing a rap cover of a Puff Daddy song with the Cigarette Smoking Man."

TV Guidance
So You Think You Know How to Watch the Boob Tube? Tune in and Learn, Grasshopper
By Jason Lloren
"For most people, the concept of television is simple enough. Hit the power button and -- bzzzzzztt -- other worlds magically come alive on screen. Unfortunately, most people have no clue how to watch the idiot box."

Channel Surfing
By Jason Lloren
"The wheel, the engine, the PC. Who says these inventions revolutionized society? Screw that. TV rules. The reason is simple: Where else can you find a whole channel devoted to airing old sitcoms? Where else are you gonna get 24-hour news? An all-weather station?"

When It Stains, It Reigns: Film Flashback '98
By Jason Lloren
"This past year of films was a cornucopia of cumshots. And blood spots. And guts, non-stop. Let's put it this way: If it smears, it was probably in a hit movie in 1998. That's not even counting the crap, usually anything that pretended to be a horror movie and starred a bunch of teens. But more on The Bad later. It seems as if the end of "Seinfeld" earlier in the year and all its legendary episodes concerning social unspeakables ­- masturbation, pee stains, you name it ­- meant the dawning of a new age in film entertainment."

Apocalypse Now Showing
At World's End (at the Summer Box Office)
FILM REVIEW by Jason Lloren
"Man versus monster. Man versus meteor. Man on the run. Halfway through summer and already Hollywood has trashed the planet not once, not twice, but at least four times. A deadly comet threatens mankind in the drama-heavy 'Deep Impact.' A giant lizard takes Manhattan by storm in 'Godzilla.' Aliens and a shadowy group of men plan armageddon on Earth through slick and sinister means in the big-screen treatment of "The X-Files." A rock that dwarfs 'Deep Impact's' hurls toward Earth and only a dirty half-dozen of Bruce Willis and Co. can save the day in 'Armageddon.' Robert Redford tries to lull box-office masses into a deadening sleep with 'The Horse Whisperer.'"

"Something" In The Way She Moves
The team behind "Kingpin" strikes gold again
FILM REVIEW by Jason Lloren
"Peter and Bobby Farrelly, the comedy writer/director team that gave us "Kingpin," know gross. In that film - quite possibly the funniest movie to combine bowling, gambling, '70s fashion and the Amish - so much toilet humor was flung at the audience you could scrape it off the walls. But at its core, "Kingpin" had some heart: a simple story about a broken man who learns that winning isn't everything."

The Truth? There's No There There
An X-Fan says what's wrong with "The X-Files"
By Jennifer Bishop
"It started with Chris Carter's confession, escalated with the not-so-subtle detachment between the two lead characters over the last season, and finally sucked a final breath with a movie more about exploitation than exploration or even explanation. The X-Files are better off buried now as far as I'm concerned. "The X-Files: Fight the Future" is more an omen of the future credibility and believability of this show than it is a fictional planetary warning."

Latest stories in the Passport home page

On a whim, cybergrrl Daisy Nguyen parties in Venice -- and recaptures her faith in humanity
By Daisy Nguyen

"Venice was absolutely gorgeous and I am definitely returning one day. It's a unique city in itself flowing on water; I was so intoxicated by its beauty. The carnival of costumes and masks was so elaborate, there were people everywhere! Imagine a huge Halloween parade in the most mystical city on earth -- that was Venice during the weekend of Mardi Gras."

Norwegian explorer dares to do what others dream Borge Ousland is the first man to trek across Antarctica alone
By Tom Diederich

"Just weeks after becoming the first person to cross Antarctica on foot, alone and unaided, Norwegian explorer Borge Ousland is on another exhausting journey -- an international public relations tour."

DIARY FROM EUROPE:
Foiled by a lack of fluency in French, Daisy gets kicked out of her apartment.  
By Daisy Nguyen

"I moved between two of the biggest capitals of Europe -- Paris and London -- via the chunnel recently. In a matter of three hours, one can be transported by the ultra-slick Eurostar from Paris' Gare du Nord to London's Waterloo station. 180 mph, or if you like, 300 kilometers an hour baby! This yellow submarine doesn't just swim, it slides fast. Anyone who's seen "Mission: Impossible" could imagine the rapidity of the train and its flying rubber effects on poor Tom Cruise's face."

LIVE! NUDE! HIKERS!
Hitting the trails in the buff
By Christina Stoltzfus
"At this time last year I was almost finished hiking the Appalachian Trail, or the AT. The 2,158 miles that I hiked during the course of 6.5 months were life changing for me in many ways. An interesting aspect of spending so much time away from civilization was the way that I lost consciousness of time."

Hike-way To Hell
How I caused a fire and got "trucker's ass"
By Christina Stoltzfus
"Last year at this time I was a thru-hiker on the Appalachian Trail, or the A.T., for short. I was attempting to hike all 2,158 miles of it in the same year. The six and a half months I spent in the woods was one of those times in my life that I will always look back on with fond memories."

Rocky Road
The ups and downs of trio climbing in Yosemite
By Matt Johanson
"As the sun dropped slowly toward the mountain horizon, I thought of Malaki and Hillary for the first time in ages. We had met years before while rock climbing at a popular spot near Sonora, Calif., where the couple irritated my partner and me by hogging our intended route during their clumsy, unsuccessful effort. But it was the ridiculous adventure in Yosemite National Park they later described that earned them our deepest contempt.

An American expat ponders about his life in Tokyo.
By Tom Diederich

"My baby sister Jill came to Japan for a two-week visit last May. My wife Noriko and I took her to historic Nikko and various other points of interest in and around Tokyo. My sister, however, was mainly concerned -- as crazy as it may sound -- with shopping for clothes. It seems that her petite frame is difficult, if not downright impossible, to find clothing that fits just right in the United States."

Top 55 Ways You Know Japan Has Influenced You.

How do you spell "adventure" and "money?"
Teach English in Japan, an American says
By Dmitri Ragano

"Two years ago, after receiving rejection slips from every newspaper from New York to Tacoma in my bid to jump-start a newspaper career, I was feeling pretty discouraged about future prospects in my chosen field of journalism."

Expatriates are celebrities
By Dmitri Ragano

"Americans thrive on celebrity culture. Everyone craves their moment in the spotlight. Whether we win the lottery, write a rap song about big butts or blow up a government building with a truck of fertilizer, we are all waiting for our fifteen minutes of glory.

Cherry blossoms - and so does Japan's tax rate
By Tom Diederich

"Spring in Japan begins with 'o-hanami' (cherry blossom viewing). This event, in Tokyo at least, is not exactly pleasant. Cherry blossoms are delicate and the optimum 'viewing time' lasts only a few days. This means that there are far too many people crowding into parks during the first two weekends of April, all battling for tiny areas of grass on which to sit with friends, family or co-workers."

Tom (tries to) celebrate a slew of Japanese Spring holidays
By Tom Diederich

The Japanese celebrate "Golden Week," a cluster of unrelated holidays from April 29 to May 5. Mysteriously, EVERYONE in the country believes this is a great time to travel. The highways and roads are gridlocked; the train stations and airports overcrowded.

The Stupid Tourist's Guide to Surviving Two Weeks in Japan  
By Paul Louie

"'Welcome to Japan,' I said to myself as I exited the airplane on a late Sunday afternoon at Narita airport. Anticipation and anxiety swelled within me. Is everything going to be OK? What should I do if I get lost? What am I going to eat for dinner? These questions went through my mind as I waited to pick up my luggage with a few other travelers at the beginning of the conveyor belt. The questions ran in and out, up and down in my mind as I waited and waited and waited some more. A new question sprang up and it replaced all of the others. 'Uh, where's my luggage?'"

Bay Area missionary adjusts to life in Philippines  
By Dan Johanson

"I'm living in a large boarding house with about 50 other people -- mostly families with small children. I share a room with another Christian man who works in the area. The surrounding area is heavily populated with 'squatters.' These families are the poorest of the poor -- a difficult sight to see everyday."

Fleeing Vietnam
One family's topsy-turvy journey to America
By Michelle Hong Quach

"As I slept, my oldest brother kissed me lightly on the cheek and vanished into the night with my three other brothers. It was 1978 and my four brothers were fleeing Vietnam in search of a better future in America. I remember mother telling me that my they had gone to the city seeking work. I had no idea my brothers were secretly stowed away on a tiny fishing boat. I was three years old and too young to understand the risk and danger involved in the journey to the United States. Their main motivation: freedom."

Diary from Japan:
Tom and Noriko land on Okinawa; while Actor Gene Hackman Gives Mom's Friend a Free Painting  
By Tom Diederich

"'September has always been a time of travel for my wife Noriko and I. This year we visited Okinawa, Japan's southernmost prefecture -- and the site of the largest ever air, sea and land battle.

Take the Yak Train
A Slow, Cold March Toward Mount Everest
By Marcus Chan
"My trip to Nepal was no vacation. But it was an adventure - one that had to be earned literally every step of the way. Although Nepal is one of the world's poorest countries (average per capita income is about $170 a year), it is rich in natural beauty and friendly people. After some 22 hours of flying, dad and I landed in Nepal's capital, Kathmandu. There we were greeted with a tourist-visa line from hell, which was followed by a shouting mob of taxi drivers outside vying for our business."

Vegas Heidi-way
By Heidi Holtan
"So where does your average library worker/bookseller go for a vacation? A quiet cabin on the blustery shores of Lake Superior? A road tour of the Carnegie libraries? You're close. Vegas, baby, VEGAS!!!"

Returning to Where I've Never Been
By Harry Mok
"Enping, China - For a few minutes my grand aunt is speechless. 'Shue King, Shue King (my mother's name)' are the only words she can utter after seeing my mom. Grand aunt Yan Jauk Wai, choking with emotion and clutching my mother's arm tightly, eventually finds the words to express her feelings. 'I've been waiting, hoping, so long for you to visit,' she says. 'It's been so long.'"

Family Ties: Strange But Familiar Faces
By Harry Mok
"Guangzhou, China - The face outside the bus window is vaguely familiar. His head is topped with gray hair now, not the shiny black that I remember from 18 years ago. It's my Uncle Shak. With him to greet us are my Aunt Chun and my cousin's husband Kuen, whom I'd never met before. We shake hands as if we are strangers, all the time aware of our connection."

Hong Kong is Home Sweet Home
By Harry Mok
"Kowloon, Hong Kong - It hit me as the doors leading out of the airport opened. I had arrived. The differences were immediate. First the 94 percent humidity and 90 degree temperature slapped me across the face - fogging up my glasses. Then, riding away from the airport in a taxi, I noticed the traffic congestion and throngs of people. Every building is 20 stories tall with hundreds of apartments. Each building crammed next to each other. Imagine San Francisco or Manhattan with 10 times the people, pollution and traffic."

Building China's New Dynasty
By Harry Mok
"Beijing, China - Walking up the steps of the Great Wall, I can only imagine the immense power and wealth of the Ming and Qing dynasties. The Wall was built with stone blocks and stretches for more than 1,800 miles atop the mountains northwest of Beijing. Up to 30,000 workers at a time were employed in its construction."

Fear and Loathing in Taiwan
By Cynthia Cheng
"Every summer, Taiwan hosts about 1,000 students of Chinese ancestry from all over the world so they can study Mandarin and expose themselves to the Chinese culture. My dad has several friends whose kids went and they all came back telling me what an awesome time they had. An awesome time scratching out Chinese characters in the stickiness and humidity of a foreign country? Puh-lease! Most people don¹t participate in this particular program to study."

Food for the Soul
A visit to a tiny restaurant in Vietnam becomes a family affair
By Daisy Nguyen
"'I want to take you to my city so you can see the real deal beyond Indochine,' my father told me as we drive through twisting cliffs looking over sky-blue water on the way to Hué. I rolled the windows down to smell the salty air and take in the beautiful scenery. In Vietnam, you can see more shades of green than you thought existed. We head to the former imperial capital of Vietnam, which served as the setting for the famous Regis Wargnier film. My father grew up in this mythic city, and I realized in his statement that he wanted to show me the Vietnam he fondly remembers, something beyond the western movies about Vietnam I watched growing up in America."

Must-Flee TV
The shows suck in Vietnam! (But at least you can get a pirated copy of "Titanic")
By Daisy Nguyen
"Whenever I travel, I usually pack a light bag and always carry a good book to read. Years of experience have taught me to avoid carrying a heavy burden on my shoulders, especially one that will weigh my mobility down. Having a good book to read, however thick it may be, is an essential survival tool. In moments waiting around airports or train stations, a book can be your best friend. When you're stuck in a relative's home, and you're sick to your stomach from watching the load of crap on television, turning to a book may save your life."

Royal Thais
During a simple vacation, I suddenly got to be queen for a day
By Nitaya Chayankura
"To the outside observer, my life is as plain and ordinary as anyone else's. I live with my parents, I have no boyfriend, no job, and I stay at home most of the time. All I do all day watch television, eat and sleep. I watch MTV and daydream of a glamorous life and stare at beautiful girls in fashion magazines and wish, 'Man, wouldn't my life be so much more exciting if I was a cover model or something?' and sigh."

Top Ten Complaints about Yosemite Valley.

Traveling Through Time and Space
By Pete Hammer

"All spring I entertained various fantasies about summer travel. Japan. Thailand. Uganda. That's one of the main advantages of being a teacher, after all. Ten weeks of summer vacation. Dream job."

Latest stories in the Ink home page

Chronicles of Friendship
By Joann Back

"There are times when losses of faith are unavoidable, when doubts finally catch you in your long-standing marathon of belief. Such times are the darkest in your life."

Reflections
By Dan Wong

"It was a chilly Christmas day in San Francisco. I was dressed in a gray ski jacket and blue sweater. What I needed were Isotoners. I rang my grandma's doorbell and quickly jammed my hands into my jeans, shivering from the ice cold wind. Another Christmas, another visit to grandma's house."

Paper Cranes
By Joann Back

"'Just sign on the dotted line,' he said to me, sliding the thick sheaf of parchment across the mahogany table to me. I hesitated a moment, then put my hand on the stack and reached up to take the quill from him. I paused again, looked at him, at his charming smile, his neatly parted hair, his dark eyes. Black eyes. Smoldering eyes. Evil."

The 47th  
By Amy Pang

"We sat at a bar which was a couple of blocks from the party because we were early and didn't want to be in the first wave of people who showed up. He eyed a lone girl who propped up her neatly tousled head on a slender white arm. She wore a sleeveless silky dress with strappy platform sandals, and her nails were painted some dark shade. It was difficult to tell in the bleak light. She sighed a couple of times, glancing toward the door whenever it opened. She was one of those faceless pretty girls who populated the area, and for all her lack of uniqueness, he fixated on her."

United
By Willy Morris

"The man selected a window seat, stuffed his shoulder bag under the seat in front of him, pulled out a bestseller and began to read. A college student chose the aisle seat and quickly buried his face in a thick calculus text. The middle seat remained empty until the last stand-by passengers were herded aboard, and a skinny little girl with corn rows slid between the two men."

The Coin Jar
By Martha Ross

"I was thinking about Harold – wondering whether Harold and I were falling in love (and whether having sex with him tomorrow night would answer that question) when Ted's cry cut through my daydream."

Blackberry Oasis
By Joy Reid

"'I tell you, it's not far from here,' Gail insisted, face thrust forward. Close up, her freckles appeared lurid and unlikely. If she keeps holding her breath like that, Jess decided, those funny red spots will explode like chewy bursts timed to annoy a teacher."

All American Tale
By Amy Pang

"Camilla had the reputation of being hard to please. Being the most bewitching and alluring female in town, she had no shortage of suitors. It didn't help that she was free of guile and cunning. All she had to do was to turn her soft, dewy doe eyes onto a man, and he became consumed with the desire to have her completely. But she was always vague and noncommital, while being perfectly sweet at the same time."

Oh Ramona
By Martha Ross

"'Did you know the cure to cynicism is cherry blossoms?' I hesitated a moment. 'Lisa, why can't you just say 'Hello,' like every other normal person does when she calls a friend?'"

From C to Shining C
By Barb Natividad

"Gigi Mariano hated practicing the piano. She hated piano lessons even more. She still remembered that Saturday the topic of piano lessons first came up. It was during lunch."

The Wall
By Joy Reid

"'You know what I think of this fool's errand,' John repeated for the fifth time that morning. 'Indeed I do,' Cameron replied, yanking fiercely at a leather strap. 'S'blood! why could his father not accept his decision? Why must he stand about bleating like an old she-goat?'"

Six Months of Winter
By Joann Back
"Ruskin's studio was filled with the crisp scent of rain, and when the winter storm winds howled between the grey neighboring buildings, there blew through the chinks in the walls a chilliness that crept into one's bones and settled there. There was, however, a lesser quality to the storm, as if it had been diluted by the late February's lengthening days and the encroaching spring, which had set down footholds in the form of milder temperatures."

Faking Cartwheels
By Heidi Holtan
"My elementary school gym teacher committed suicide. Mr. Hill jumped out the window of the Brainerd Hospital while he was supposedly being fixed for drinking too much. At least that's the way Mary Anderson's mom explained it to us. We didn't really know he was an alcoholic though we suspected something was wrong with him."

Kindergarten
By Nelma M. Vinyard
"It's 1998. Looking back into her past, Lita remembers how strange she felt on her first day of kindergarten. Many years ago, her family left the Philippines in late December and had moved to the United States when she was merely five years old. After being in Colorado for only a few weeks, her father announced that Lita would be attending school soon. He told her he had already made arrangements with Columbine Elementary School and that she would begin kindergarten class the following week."

Water Buffaloes
By Shan Anwar
"My life has become a cliche. I'm down here at the front of my office building, having a smoke with assorted temps, secretaries, delivery boys, college interns, career salesman and the odd power that be. It's cold as hell, in the way New York can be on the first day of Spring, with the thermometer reading 60. Of course, I don't have my jacket on since I don't want my boss, lovely piss-ant that she is, to know I'm going outside to satisfy my unsavory, unpromotable urge for sweet sweet sweet tobacco." That Spot on his Tooth
By Heidi Holtan
"Daisy was nearing the end of her second martini. The gin made her cheeks glow and her pointy, elfin features lose their usual severe look. Her frown lines were scarcely visible in the dim light of the lamp hanging above the bar booth. She downed the remaining liquor, then licked her lips, smiled mischievously and asked, 'So what should we do about Tim?'"

Diary of a Christmas Tree Ornament
By Jim DeSelms
"We just arrived at the store today. It was a bumpy ride, but we're all so snug and happy in our little box. We just enjoyed the ride, singing our little Christmas carols. What joy it is to be a little Christmas ornament! We aren't very fancy, just simple colored glass Christmas balls. But we totally make up for our lack of glitz with pure class and charm!"

The British Woman
By Martha Ross
"Daisy was nearing the end of her second martini. The gin made her cheeks glow and her pointy, elfin features lose their usual severe look. Her frown lines were scarcely visible in the dim light of the lamp hanging above the bar booth. She downed the remaining liquor, then licked her lips, smiled mischievously and asked, 'So what should we do about Tim?'"

Living At Home
By Amber Howle
"In an hour or so, Darren would have the pleasure of giving his dad the news. In the meantime, he had some important phone calls to make. The excited, Friday-afternoon-feeling ignited his veins as he dialed one of his friends to leave a message about hooking up later. He pulled a Pepsi from the fridge, figuring he would drink beer later, then leapt up the stairs two at a time, catching his breath before unlocking his bedroom door. Plopping onto the bed, he leaned over to remove the old penny loafers he wore to the job interview."

Desert Drip
By Noel Ace
"I don't mind if it rains through me. Drips like ice cubes streaming down my back keep me looking straight ahead and beyond the downtown traffic. My future's out there, beyond the cars, drivers fast streaming it down the highway‹their eyes pinned to the rearview mirror, minds wondering if they left something behind. My eyes stretch beyond the slow cars, the traffic lights saying, "Go, no stay," beyond the honking horns, babies crying for something more to eat, a man screaming at no one through pinched lips while I sit on a bench sucking on raindrops."

"Adiposity," by Jennifer Bishop

"Broad Existence," by Jennifer Bishop

"Burlap Cuffs," by Jennifer Bishop

"After the party," by I.M. Sterns

"Voice Mail Blues," by Lawrence Miles

"Shaved Head And Great Legs," by Lawrence Miles

"Ode To Lola Langusta," by Lawrence Miles

Poetry by Jenny Sadre

"THE COUPLE," by Tiffany Landrum

"Wanting," by Shawna McCoy

"Knowing," by Shawna McCoy

"Untitled," by Shawna McCoy

"Untitled," by Rob Shea

"Fantasia," by Douglas Wong

"Take a Look," by Clarence Wong

"Sandlot," by Wylie Wong

"Bugspray," by Wylie Wong

Sword-Song
Chapter 1: Kicking Mischief In the Tail
By Joann Back

"Castle Faln looked stolidly out over the grasslands, its grey granite walls looming over the fields and the teeming city within its ancient perimeter walls. Long ago, it served as the court of the king of the Falnish Territories, and held about it ghosts of grandeur. Now, it had been set aside by the king and his heir apparent, and was passed on to the second-born prince. Suffering from age and decades of neglect, it brought to mind a dying warhorse garbed in pennants of the royal blue and gold, trying to maintain a certain if fading nobility."

Latest stories in the Nigiri Nirvana home page

All-you-can-eat ecstasy, McSushi Blues
By Rod Wong
"We stumbled onto this sushi treasure purely by accident. It's located in the back corner on the second floor of a small shopping center. We stood outside of Sushi Taisho for a couple of minutes trying to decide if the advertised $19.95 all-you-can-eat sushi was just another sushi buffet with little selection and brown colored nigiri, or if it was really as advertised. Feeling the hunger pangs, we decided to give it a try."

Super Supermarket Sushi
By Amy Pang
"Sushi is one of the more affordable luxuries in life. Okay, you can't always have fugu or the rare stuff, but anyone can get unagi or hamachi and not spend a king's ransom. Despite my fondness for sushi, there's a ritualistic aspect to eating it that's a little formal for my mood sometimes. You have the little dishes and the presentation and hoopla. Sometimes I crave sushi, but I want to use my hands to eat nigiri and watch TV and have a Coke. In other words, the working girl's dinner."

Sushi Reviews: Seeking Sushi Bliss in Berkeley, Boston, Seattle and San Francisco  
By Siri Sosothikul and Wylie Wong

"Don't judge a book by its cover and never evaluate a sushi place by its decor. Passersby often mistake Berkeley's Party Sushi for a pub with its neon lights and dark interior. The frog and deer-shaped plastic balloons dangling from the ceiling and the ceramic masks popping out of the walls don't make it any easier for you to recognize the funky place as a sushi restaurant."

Are you a good tipper or a cheapskate?
A Japanese restaurant waitress secretly categorizes her customers
By Michelle Hong Quach

"Working at a Japanese restaurant is rewarding because the tips are better than those of Chinese and Vietnamese restaurants. The plethora of competing Chinese restaurants force all of them to lower their food prices and make customers tip less. Vietnamese restaurant-goers tip even worse because most owners keep the tips. Why should customers tip more when the money goes to the owner and not the waiters and waitresses?"

Special Bonus!
Reviews of Pho Restaurants in the San Francisco Bay Area
By Rodney Wong and Wylie Wong

"Now you may ask, pho at a Casino? That was my question when my roommate suggested a new pho place to try. I was very skeptical of food at the casino, but my roommate assured me that the food was not bad. We got to the casino and I felt the urge to gamble rather than eat, but I limited my budget and was determined to stay focused on eating pho (I ended up losing $40 that night gambling)."

Rod's New Year's Resolution: Eat, Eat, Eat!
By Rodney Wong
"It's the start of a new year and I've made a resolution to eat in as many different types of places that I possibly can with my entertainment card."