By JIM DeSELMS
We just arrived at the store today. It was a bumpy ride, but we're all so snug and happy in our little box. We just enjoyed the ride, singing our little Christmas carols. What joy it is to be a little Christmas ornament! We aren't very fancy, just simple colored glass Christmas balls. But we totally make up for our lack of glitz with pure class and charm!
We've been sitting on the store shelf for a few days. But we don't mind! We're very patient! We know that somebody will find us too shiny and beautiful to resist! Oh I feel so lucky to be a little Christmas ornament!
We're still here. The wait is getting to some of the other ornaments. Greeny was saying today that if somebody didn't take us home soon, he
was going to jump out of the box and break himself on the floor. We calmed him down with a soothing verse of Silent Night. We reminded him that Christmas is about giving and sharing, and he just needs to hold on a little longer.
How much longer must we wait in this store? The wait is even getting to
me now, and I'm starting to have dark thoughts myself. But I can't let the
others know I'm feeling this way; they seem to regard me as a leader
and I have to remain positive. If I begin to despair, then the whole box will
surely be lost.
Things are definitely looking up. A number of humans actually picked up
the box today and looked us over. The whole time we were on our best
behavior; we did our best to look attractive with a seductive luster, but nobody took the bait. One nice lady did actually bring us up to the counter, but Red had some trouble holding his pose and he slipped into more of a tawdry glare than a seductive luster. I think the lady noticed and she asked the cashier if he could put us back. Then we had to spend the rest of the day in a stupid restocking basket. Nice going, Red!
Hooray! A nice little family bought us today! They snuck up on us so
quickly, we didn't even have time to prepare! They just picked up the
box, put us in the basket, and paid for us without even looking at us! We
weren't the only box of ornaments they bought, and it was a rather cramped ride home in the bag with the others three boxes. It was fun getting to know the others though. What a small world it is! In just one little shopping bag were gathered ornaments from all over the world! We were originally from Ohio, but the others were from more exotic places like Japan and Taiwan!
We're still in the box. I guess if I had to choose between being stuck
in the box in either the store or in this family's house, I'd rather be in
the house. But still, I want to be freed from my box so that I can hang on
the tree and be admired! I am a Christmas ornament! I'm supposed to show myself off to the world! Why don't they get off their fat asses and put me on the damn tree already! Okay, gotta calm down.
Finally we're on the tree! Oh nothing compares with the joy of being
hung on a Christmas tree! The lights! The smell of the pine needles! The
admiring children! I am in heaven! The youngest girl hung me on the
tree. She hung me rather low to the ground, but that's okay! Greeny's got a great spot up near the top. I bet he's got a heck of a view!
I have a crappy view, being only a foot off the ground. But I don't
mind! I'm happy just doing my part, being a little shiny ornament among many on a glorious Christmas tree! O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum! I forget how the rest of the song goes!
The dog peed on me today. Stupid dog! The adults didn't even wipe me
off! Oh, they did a good job cleaning up the floor, but they didn't even
consider wiping me off and soaking me in alcohol! I feel so violated!
Well, I knew back in the factory that being an ornament, for all its glory,
would also have its challenges.
It is truly a sad day for us ornaments. This morning Greeny fell from
his high branch and broke on the floor. It was all over so quickly! I saw
him pass by me on the way down and he fell not too far from me. A couple shards actually struck me too. I would have vomited if I had a mouth and digestive system. What a horrific sight! I hope that he fell by accident; sometimes the humans, even though they love us very much, they are rather careless when hooking us onto the branches. Don't they know they should bend the hook around the branch? Just hanging us on the branch without bending the hook is not enough! A more horrible thought, an almost unspeakable thought, is that maybe Greeny fell on purpose. Most humans think that being an ornament is an easy job; just hang there and look beautiful they think. They don't realize the great deal of stress we have to endure! We always have to look our best and our shiniest! And what thanks do we get? It's always the tree that gets praise, never the ornaments! But where would that tree be without us? It'd just be an ugly green tree. Well, we know he'll get what he deserves!
Whew, what a busy night it's been! We've only got a few hours to rest
up for the big show tomorrow morning! The children hung up their stockings and went to bed. Then, the parents came in and put some presents under the tree and filled the stockings and then they went to bed. I'm actually hanging right next to a big box right now. I talked to him for a little while and he's just as nervous as we are! There's definitely a lot of excitement in the air. I hope everything goes according to plan!
December 25, dawn
I just gave the other ornaments a little motivational speech. I
reminded them that Christmas is not about presents, it's not about Christmas carols, and it's certainly not about Jesus. No, Christmas is all about being the shiniest little Christmas ornament you can be and making people love you because you are beautiful! OH! I hear a rustling from upstairs! It's just about show time!
December 25, evening
What a day! When the children ran into the living room, their eyes were
so wide! What joy! I know that they were mostly interested in the
presents, but I'm sure that if we weren't here, they wouldn't be nearly as
excited about them. I bet they wouldn't even care about Christmas if it weren't for us ornaments. They would probably just sleep late and eat a big breakfast and maybe open a present or two before getting bored and finding something else to do. I'll bet that's what would happen!
One of the girls walked by today and I made an extra effort to sparkle
for her, but she didn't even look at me. What gives?
I've noticed a disturbing phenomenon. Now that Christmas is gone, the
humans don't care about us anymore. Instead of being a pleasure to have around, they seem to think of us as a nuisance! They don't look at us, and they've even stopped plugging in the lights! How do they expect us to sparkle and shine without proper lighting! Ingrates! Even the tree
seems to be giving up. He was once proud and green, but now he's starting to droop, and he's dropping needles all over the place. I tried to talk to him and tell him to keep it together, but he seems to have given up hope.
Well, after a couple weeks of neglect, the humans have decided that
they don't want us in their living room anymore. But I am not bitter. I
guess I knew all along that it could not last and we would be packed away in the attic to hibernate. Looking back on this Christmas season, I can be
very pleased about two things. First of all, we all did a great job. We
really impressed the humans, and I'm sure that we will get to add a little
sparkle to their lives next Christmas. I'm also very happy that I'm not that
damn tree! I caught a glimpse of him before. The humans just dumped him on the curb for the garbage man to pick up. Ha ha! Stupid tree!