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Top Ten Tamagotchi ideas that failed

By Gordon Mah Ung and Wylie Wong
Blast San Francisco Bureau

10. Crips and Bloods Tamagotchi. Push buttons to make it flash gang signs, run hydraulics on the low rider and make it duck during drive-by shootings. Feed it 40s, get it some dope. Clean up the crib. Fail to keep it happy and it will bust a cap in YOUR a ss.

9. The Jerry Seinfield Tamagotchi. The Seinfield Tamagotchi notices insignificant details in life and then kevitches about them incessantly. Buttons will summon strange assortment of Seinfield friends, who are also Jews, to sit around and talk about point less subjects with him.

8. The Mike Tyson Tamagotchi. If you forget to feed it, Tamagotchi Mike bites your ear off and eats it. Buttons will summon Don King Tamagotchi to make everything OK. It costs $49.95 for each pay-per-use-button you hit.

7. The Karen Carpenter Tamagotchi. It refuses to eat.

6. The Bill Gates Tamagotchi 98. Full of bugs, crashes all the time and is a resource hog, but everyone uses it because there is no alternative. Promises to fix problems in Tamagotchi 99.

5. The Apple Computer Tamagotchi. Why bother? It's going to die anyway.

4. The Homeless Tamagotchi. It's the lowest maintenance Tamagotchi on the market. Feed it once a month, push a button to give it some change, but generally ignore it all the time.

3. The Star Trek Tamagotchi. Eats a lot and wears a bad toupee.

2. The Next Generation Tamagotchi. Instead of playing, wants to talk about it.

1. Charles Bronson Tamagotchi. Don't push his buttons or he'll kill your ass.