By GORDON MAH UNG
Blast San Francisco Bureau

WASHINGTON D.C. -- One Million Asian Men marched into the nation's capital Tuesday morning.

A 10-mile long procession of Honda's, Toyota's and Acura's filled Washington's street and overflowed Chinatown parking.

"Hell, I thought they always double parked there anyway," said Bob Cracker, a spokesman for the parks service. "We figures there wuz about eight."

Cracker said the estimates were taken by aerial photograph, but because Asian men are shorter than European Americans, the count may have been off.

Minister Joe Louie preached a storm about the rising tide of racism, sexism, cellular phone bills and the cost of black clothing.

"The man is trying to get us down by raising the cost of pagers!" Louie shouted.

By GORDON MAH UNG
Blast San Francisco Bureau

SAN FRANCISCO -- Minister Joe Louie called a Federal Park Service estimate of the number of participants in the Million Asian Men March "racist" and urged the president to force the government into a recount.

"They don't know what they were doing," Louie said Thursday night. While Mister Louie gave his speech, a small platoon of Asian men wearing Wayfarers and dressed in black clothes stood menancingly nearby.

"I counted at least 50 guys talking on their cellular phones by the Lincoln Memorial alone. What them fools talking about? They are bloodsuckers," Louie said, his voice trembling in anger.

The self-proclaimed leader of the Nation of Pagers has been recently embroiled in controversy when he called on his followers to stop using their cellular phones for a day in protest of the phone companies, whom he described as "bloodsuckers."

Louie then called the president a big, fat hillbilly who drives a domestic car. The minister, who some have called divisive, issued a list of "bloodsuckers."